Let me start off by saying that I am the most calm, easy going driver on the road. Traffic jams, accidents, school zones…no problem. Until today….
So I’m driving down the road, singing along to Walk This Way, the Run DMC/Aerosmith version (doing vocals for both bands because I am a little hip hop and a little rock n’ roll) when I come to a red light.
I want to turn left so I have to wait for the green arrow.
In front of me is this vehicle and its plastered with Christian bumper stickers. Not just one or two on the bumper either. I mean ALL OVER the whole backside. Windows, tailgate, bumper…the works.
I read so many Bible verses during this long ass red light that I could have given a sermon tonight.
Finally, I get the arrow. But the guy in front of me isn’t moving. I thought maybe he was deep in prayer. So I wait a sec and then give the horn a light tap.
My horn must be really demonic sounding because instead of making the left turn this big redneck, who had the hair of Billy Ray Cyrus and the face of Billy Bob Thornton, jumps out of his truck and starts screaming profanities at me!
I’m thinking, Wow…he must be a member of Our Lady of Tourettes Christian Ministries or something.
So I calmly roll down my window and ask him to get back in his truck. Ok, I smirked when I did it. Well this was FUNNY.
He takes a step toward me so I immediately step out of my vehicle because I am not gonna be a sitting duck for some psycho.
He stops short and yells, “WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?”
So I replied….
“DOES JESUS KNOW YOU’RE BEING AN ASSHOLE?”
I half expected him to charge me but instead he lowered his head like I just took away his Pope Action Figure, turned and got back in his truck.
Just in time for the next red light.
And I laughed for the next 3 miles.
I guess the moral of my story is:
If you’re gonna represent a certain type of people, you better act like it.
I wouldn’t have even thought about this little episode of Slingblade jumping out and yelling at me if his truck was plastered with stickers that said “Nice People Suck”, “Your Mom” or “I voted Bush”.
But you just don’t expect that from someone who claims God is his Co-pilot.Billy Bob Thornton, Billy Ray Cyrus, Buddy Christ, Christian, God, Green Arrow, Holy Roller, Jesus, Pope, Road Rage